thoughts & things @ midnight

so i'm currently in my room watching spongebob & started thinking about the events that took place this tuesday. i had an eye doctor appointment aka one of the visits i dread the most. i've had terrible eyesight since i was around 6..., or at least that's when they figured out i couldn't see (crazy, right?) anyways, one of my biggest fears is becoming blind. i love this beautiful world, and i can't imagine living on this planet without my vision. just for some perspective here...my vision is 20/800. i can't even see the big E. THE BIGGEST LETTER ON THE CHART. I CAN'T SEE IT. when i found that out, it made my heart sink & i immediately thought the worst, but god is so good & reassured me that everything would be okay. facing my fear head on, i was told there is no chance i'll ever go blind & that my vision has only minimally gotten worse since 2013 when i came in last. for the rest of the day i started thinking about everything i take for granted. my vision is definitely in the top five. i made a little list of the things i'd miss most if i lost my vision & when i read it over i started to cry. my list goes something like this:

-seeing my parents' faces everyday
-seeing the worship band @ church jam out for jesus
-seeing my boyfriend's cute smile or how his faces lights up when he gets over excited about something...seriously one of my favorite things in the entire world
-seeing a band or artist live in concert pour their heart out into the music
-seeing my grandparents' smiles when i come over to visit
-watching stupid tv shows that have no substance, but make me laugh regardless
-looking through a camera lens & capturing a moment that i can look @ forever
-sunflowers. sunflowers. sunflowers. sunflowers
-seeing my best friend jenny laugh at herself or at something cheesy i said
-the clouds move. wow. i love that.
-shopping. i'd really miss looking at beautifully expensive clothing that i know i'll never own
-my room. my safe haven from all the negativity that comes along with being a teenager
-watching a storm roll in & the lightning show that goes on forever & never gets old
-READING BOOKS. dang that would kill me inside to never be able to look at words on paper again.
-movies. i'd really miss watching a 90 minute long production that has the ability to make me cry uncontrollably, scream my head off, laugh until i tear up, or make me see the world in a different way
-sunsets....nothing beats an arizona sunset. absolutely nothing.
-colors. especially pastels.
-watching my dad prepare dinner & seeing how he turns regular items into an amazing meal
-traveling & exploring new places...i'd miss seeing the ocean waves crash at laguna beach & the rainy days at pike place market or snow days in northern arizona

there's so much more i could add to this list, but i think that's good for now. it's crazy how much i take for granted without even realizing it. after learning the news today that i'll never have to experience the loss of any of the items on that list, i can honestly say that i have a better appreciation for my sight & the technology that has made it possible for me to continue my life wearing glasses or contacts without the fear of going blind or without clear vision. i'm extremely emotional right now given the fact that it is almost one in the morning. i've been such a ball of stress lately that this was a wake-up call that was definitely needed.

have a great day beautiful people & don't forget to smile because this world is incredible

-A